You smell like stripper and shame
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
