Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
