If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
