Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
