I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
