I love black thongs
You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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