Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
