...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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