Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
