Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
