I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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