anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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