i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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