i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
