man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
