I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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