I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
