talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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