I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I looked at my own cervix.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
