honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
