i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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