these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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