Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
