Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
