That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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