Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
