We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
