the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
