Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
