So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
