"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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