So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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