He kissed a someone with a penis
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
