I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
