The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
