make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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