We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i drank out of a bidet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
