It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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