His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
