when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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