Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and she was petting her beer can
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
