i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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