is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
