Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
