I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
