He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
