On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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