I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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