I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
