he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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